


Poisoned

by Krambi003



Category: Finder no Hyouteki | Finder Series
Genre: Drabble, M/M, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-08
Updated: 2015-11-08
Packaged: 2018-04-30 15:36:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 866
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5169155
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Krambi003/pseuds/Krambi003
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>(written in March 2013)<br/>quote: From the first horrible pain you inflicted on me and that my brain - with the help of the drug you gave me - managed to persuade my body it WAS pleasure, or they would both be shattered and scattered, lost forever, to these evidences in your smirks, smug looks or ways of holding me that, what only matters to you is what you want and need... I have been bearing with every of them. Poisoned.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Poisoned

_Viewfinder_  and its characters © Yamane Ayano

  
  
**Characters:**  Takaba (mentions of Asami)  
**Rating:**  PG-13  
**Warning:**  Unbeta'ed ;  **NO**  lovey-dovey happy story.  


 

 

~~~~~

 

  
From the first horrible pain you inflicted on me and that my brain - with the help of the drug you gave me - managed to persuade my body it WAS pleasure, or they would both be shattered and scattered, lost forever, to these evidences in your smirks, smug looks or ways of holding me that, what only matters to you is what you want and need... I have been bearing with every of them. Poisoned.

  
  
I even came to enjoy for real some of the moments we share. The moments, when you are not as pushy and uncaringly rough as the usual you, as if you seemed to pay attention to what I might be needing or wanting. But those moments never last long and never feel like they are for real. Unlike all the rest of what you impose on me: so often... too often, so real... too real... Poisoned.

  
  
Every passing day you pursue your shaping work on me. I have no clue why you decided I deserved your attention and "care". I had wondered if it could be because you saw me as somewhat special, but soon realized it coul not be it. Firstly because I was not special at all, I was just a regular young guy. Nothing really noticeable or lovable about me... at least nothing more noticeable or more lovable than quite every young guy in this town. Secondly, because when you get interested in someone special it would make no sense to try relentlessly to change what they are. Or at least, I think it makes no sense. But how could I be sure of that? Poisoned.

  
  
I was too engrossed in my work to find time for relationships. It was no big deal. I had a whole lifetime ahead of me to find happiness with someone. Me, my work and my lover: my world would eventually be complete someday. I had time for this. There were things that I needed to achieve by myself first and then only I would be ready for the next step: to start living not only for myself. But you crossed my path before this time had already arrived for me... You, so much older, more experienced, more self-confident, more powerful and more tenacious... I did not stand a chance from the start. No matter how hard I fought and tried: my lack of experiences was my greatest flaw, begot my major failure, has become my worst crime and it condemned me to you, to accept you and what you do to me... Poisoned.

  
  
Because you are my first man, I do not know what I should do to avoid all these unwanted moments with you, all these hurtful and disappointing words and manners you have for me. Maybe this is also why I did not manage to escape you totally whenever I have tried. The guy looking at me in the mirror, I don't know who he is. His eyes, hair, lips, nose, chin and cheeks, they look like mine, but he is a stranger. He is what you have made of me. He is... poisoned. By your seed rolling down his inner thighs. By your stern close to inimical gazes. By your harsh manners. By your heartless words. Poisoned.

  
  
Whatever you are trying to make out of me, you slowly but surely manage to achieve it. Breaking one after another every of my reistances. Even I, I will soon not remember that there was a me before you shaped this stranger that has my face, name and body. Some times ago,  _I_  had doubts about me and about you and me. The  _stranger_  has no doubt anymore. Poisoned.

  
  
Poison infiltrated insidiously in every cell, destroys and replaces everything that was before. Soul, freedom, happiness, smiles, love, friends, confidence, work, camera, joy, career... are all just empty words now. The  _stranger_  does not need any of them as long as you give him his fix of your poison often enough. I somehow think that I should be sad for  _me_  and what  _I_  have become, but that could only happen if  _I_  still existed. Your poison has quite completely killed me while the  _stranger_  only lives because he is poisoned. No one cries over  _me_  since no one has yet noticed that  _I_ have disappeared behind the  _stranger_. I wonder if those, who love  _me_ , will cry over the  _stranger_ , when you will get tired of him. Not sufficiently poisoned anymore. Empty shell. Surely quickly replaced by a new prey you would feel the urge to shape into what they were not and to poison to your heart's content.

  
  
You step in the bathroom and your arms imprison me once more. I am the one to blame for losing to you. It is my fault if I am the one irreparably defeated, if my thirst of  freedom, life and happiness cannot escape anymore your abysses of darkness. As my soul sheds its last tear and  _I_  stop existing, the  _stranger_  wraps his arms around your neck, addictngly seeking for your heat. Poisoned.

 

 

 

The End


End file.
